Zombie Surplus

“Optimists greatly outlive pessimists.” So well said. If you haven’t heard of Ted Talks it’s time to discover the world of greater intelligence that’s out there beyond the veil of American Idol. In fact the Ted Talks are so remarkable, and such an amazingly powerful privilege to behold, that they are now getting their very own category here at ZS (such an honor I know). I’m so pumped on sharing this stuff that I’m gonna jump right into it and post one of the more dry and lengthy talks I’ve recently seen. So if you’re just skimming while waiting for your coco puffs to finish warming in the microwave, then go read about how turbofuckingawesome the newest superhero movie is. But if you share the unquenchable thirst for knowledge like I do (ADD) and are a fast learner (presentation must be insultingly short and simplified) then make sure to watch this amazing (turbofuckingawesome) presentation by Craig Venter from 2005 on the progress in genomics since Clinton got his dick wet.

NOTE: This talk is actually 17 minutes long, I only said it was short for comic effect… are your coco puffs done yet? yeah? go fuck yourself.

Thank you Kyla for that wonderful trifecta of literacy.

Speaking of Gaming, I never got to throw my two cents in last year on the state of things. As you may or may not be aware, 2007 was a Titan of a year for incredible video games by the frigate full, and there were many a pretentious gamer and game reviewer alike wanting to talk about their pick for game of the year as if it were a divine sexual encounter. Well screw you guys, it’s my turn. Although BioShock was gnarly to the slashcore (what the fuck that means, I don’t know) it doesn’t even glimpse Portal. Simply put this is the first time a shooter has ever crossed over into something completely new, while retaining all the eye twitchy goodness that us unswervingly committed zombies demand in a hardcore game. Pure genius, so simple, flawless victory. Do your self a huge favor and play Portal. Also, speaking of kongregate, check out the 2D version which is also surprisingly awesome.

Video after the Bite

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If you haven’t yet glimpsed the very face of time thievery, here it is. kongregate.com gets a 10 for innovatively retooling the previously shotty genre of flash game sites. By using a navigational interface akin to other life sucking social networks and reviving the internets awesomist idea ever… chat rooms, Kongregate is steadily rising to become the gaming epicenter for office workers and Pentium one grandmas alike. It’s hard not to like this site weather you’re a “core” gamer, you own Viva Pinata, or you’re yet to suckle the soft supple tit of video gaming. It’s all here, look no farther, sign up or shut up, your parking just expired, you have been warned.

Iron Man is Bonerific. Go see it now. I’m going to see it for the second time tonight, and tomorrow for the third time. Jon Favreau is awesome, say what you will about Elf, Iron Man is flawless from tip to tail. I have never been so hard for so long without experiencing any embarrassing side effects. Oh and did I mention I’m totally gay for Robert Downey Jr., because I’m totally gay for Robert Downey Jr. The man is so well suited for the role it flexes the mind (along with other parts) in ways that previously were unimaginable. Best superhero movie to date. Also, the allusions to probable sequels (there are a couple) helped me keep my erection long into this morning.. until it swiftly died when google news displayed the word “Hillary“. Never before have I seen so much Space-aged-pseudo-science porn in one sitting. Fucking Awesome. This is the only film that actually gives you superpowers from watching it, your very own little Iron Man.

NOTE to GF: Hey sweetie, yeah. I meant to talk to you about this earlier but you were making me dinner so I thought I’d wait. So yeah, Ro-Do-Jo is going up on the wall in the bedroom. I was thinking of that space where our vacation pictures used to be. Let me know what you think…. love you.

It’s 06:33 on a Friday late in May and I’m pooing this out and predating it to fill the gaps on my post calender. No doubt I was too busy sleeping or laying on the beach to post anything meaningful or current, and so now I find it fitting to write about something from 2004 and giving it a title that only some retarded Google bot would understand (and of course fans of the show, hey guys). Still though, this is something definitely worth your time if you haven’t heard of it. Ghost in the Shell is easily my favorite anime franchise and has been since 1997 simultaneous world wide release of “Ghost in the Shell” which revolutionized cartoon animation by being the first to integrate computer generated motion effects and scenes into traditional hand-drawn animation. Many of the style choices made in this film (along with the sophisticated science fiction) would go on to be hijacked by a certain director duo in “the Matrix”. If you’re not into political drama at all, and have trouble following a complicated “who-done-it” plot line, you should avoid this show like the plague. Even it’s 10/10 erection inducing military action sequences, and it’s bomb-shell body suit clad super cyborg cop can’t hold it over in the wake of it’s heady governmental policy based story arcs.

There, done. now I can get back to sleeping. Watch this intro to the 2nd season of SAC (Stand Alone Complex) it’s dope.

This video is very tame, and leaves out the most exciting part of the new Hadron Collider at CERN which is of course that when they fire it up for the first time this summer it could create a black hole and destroy our solar system in the blink of an eye. We’ll keep you posted on that, basically if we are all brought together in a singularity you’ll know shit went sideways. Otherwise I’ll just not post about it because science that doesn’t go awry is fucking stupid.

So I’m not going to write much about this. Either you know what’s going on in the world, you think you know what’s going on in the world, or you’re an honest person and submit that you know hardly anything about what’s going on in the world. This is a clip from a documentary/stand-up act by Robert Newman called the History of Oil, which I think should be shown in schools. This clip should help you understand why there is a occupation of the middle east ongoing and also help you better understand how oil is traded. This post will not help you loose weight, become more sociable, or improve you golf swing. I’m sorry to be harsh, but you will never have those things you fat hermit of a shitty golfer you.

Frank Zappa is a God. This clip is from when I was a young warthog, and was more interested in titty milk than rock music. It’s a timeless clip with Zappa’s cool shinning through like a beacon of manliness. This is how you talk to crazy people, and this is also how you rock a motherfucking mustache.

If you are yet to hear the year 2012 mentioned with some level of mysticism from a “special” friend, you need to wake up and start being a responsible human being. Take me for example, I’m helping save humanity (along with the countless other godless species that have been freeloading off man’s cunning for far too long) by taking the day off work to scour youtube for images and opinions one should never admit to searching for. Fortunately for you I got bored of editing clips of surgical mishaps with Star Wars themed amateur hip hop, and instead decided to post this interesting video from postmoderntimes.com

It outlines the Myan calender which apparently ends December 23rd 2012, and not just because they ran out of rocks to carve on. It’s a nicer image of the apocalypse than most “hardcore” religious types would have you believe, but is still scary enough to get me to order a redonkulous amount of netflix movies that I want to see before I burn in hell. So book that trip to whereversville soon, because time waits for no zombie.

See what I did there?  cause White Men Can’t Jump… get it.  A-HA!  So anyway, I’m listening to the radio the other day, talk radio, because only Jesuits and flower children listen to music in the car.  Everything is going normal: traffic, weather, lotto winners, crime updates, and then suddenly my mind is bent like a wood box as the female host proclaims “the results of a new study have found that 6 out of 10 black children in North America don’t know how to swim.”  six out of ten!  SIX out of TEN!!  She went on to say that the reasons for the numbers stem from a cultural fear the parents have of their children drowning, creating a cyclical pattern of not learning how to swim… and then drowning.  Now bear with me, I realize I may sound like super-whitey the sardine devil, but come on, it’s swimming.  People is made of water yo, learning how to swim was one of the most freeing and pure events in my pathetic, mountain-dew-soaked, jerkin’-off-to-perfume-adds life.  I mean, I may have the rhythm and flow of a chicken trying to get its retarded ass out of a fucking egg, but hey, I can tread water.

Is there a point in all this?  No.  I really don’t care if you can swim or not, and you probably don’t care that I listen to talk radio.  So let’s call it even.

NOTE:  I’m currently auditioning for a new black friend.  Swimming is not required, freestyling is mandatory, and continually making fun of me isn’t against the rules but it is highly frowned upon.